Breaking News

Spiderman’s controversial unicorn acquisition continues to concern law enforcement.

Scientists report that a strange chemical substance has settled throughout our planet.  It is easily found in the human body and covers more than half the surface of the Earth.  Science has yet to determine whether this substance is beneficial to us, though they have pointed out that every serial killer in history had this substance in large quantities in their bodies.

Comic book artists were shocked to discover this week that the human body, particularly the female body, looks almost nothing like the way they thought it did.

University student missing:  last seen throwing a computer at the library wall.  Apparently not all millennials have as much skill with digital technology as they try to make us believe.

The oceans are flooding and the sun is on fire.

Biology major taken in for questioning after writing the Latin phrases for an exorcism on test instead of things like “musca domestica“.

Woman hospitalized after vicious public attack by a sarcastic wit.  PETA claims the owner, who is now under investigation, mistreated the wit–it hadn’t been walked in over a month, or fed in a week.

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